In honour of my 1-year anniversary with Scott (which is today) I decided to write this blog post of short lessons I’ve learned about love in the past year.
1. “Just tell me”
This is the first lesson I learned from my boyfriend that I didn’t realize was a lesson at the time. Isn’t that always how it goes? You never truly see something until you’re past it.
Anyways, I really wanted him to meet my parents and I casually mentioned it while we were watching TV. His response wasn’t the enthusiasm I had hoped for and I figured he wasn’t listening. So I started moping around, guilt tripping him, and being extremely dramatic. Basically doing everything to make him feel bad. Finally, he just straight-up asked me how important it was, and when I told him (in an exasperated voice) that it would mean a lot to me, he said he would happily do it.
His exact words were “next time, just tell me.”
I can’t even describe how dumb I felt after that. Why was I walking around the house passive-aggressively being angry about something that he had no idea about? Why hadn’t I simply communicated clearly how important it was rather than expect him to read my mind?
I realized this was a toxic trait I had inherited from previous relationships. I was so used to making a big “scene” to get what I wanted that I hadn’t given him a fair chance before jumping to conclusions and assuming he just wasn’t listening.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t listening; I wasn’t talking! This is probably the most significant lesson in communication I’ve learned. Men really can’t read our minds and we can’t expect them to.
Just tell him what you want!
2. Your partner shouldn’t make you insecure
This piggy-backs onto a convo me and my mom had the other night about how I’m way less insecure now. Most of our insecurities come from other people, not even from ourselves.
My ex once told me that I shouldn’t smile so hard because too much of my gums show.
Well what do you think this feedback did? It made me insecure about my smile and my teeth. Am I smiling too hard? I should cover my mouth or something.
At the time this didn’t seem like a big deal. He said it in passing, casually almost, and it was normal for him to point out things like this. The guy couldn’t seem to keep anything to himself. Ever.
Now here’s the real question: Who the hell cares?
Why should it matter if I smile “too hard” if I’m laughing my heart out at something? I think a person’s genuine laughing face is a beautiful thing to see and it actually sends the endorphins trapezing all over the human brain. Why shouldn’t I show off the smile that my parents paid thousands of dollars for? I didn’t endure braces for nothing.
Your partner shouldn’t make you feel insecure about anything. We already beat ourselves up enough, why let another person add to that? Why would you want to add to that if you really love them?
3. Simple appreciation goes a long way
I guess this would relate to “love languages” if you’re a person who knows about those. But it is amazing how much healthier your home environment is with the smallest words of kindness every once in a while.
I’m not talking about anything crazy here, just a simple “thank you for doing the laundry” and such. It is crazy how much words like that really hit home for me, just the simple acknowledgement of working hard to maintain our life and home together.
Everyone longs to be acknowledged for their accomplishments and even though it takes an extra second to do so, that extra second of your time means the world to the person hearing it.
“Dinner was really good.”
“I’m glad you helped me.”
“You’re so good at that.”
Such an easy thing to forget about in our daily routine as we try to make it to the weekend.
That’s all I have today folks! Have you learned lots in love? Maybe you’ve learned the same things I have?
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